I am not attuning with my therapist, is there something wrong?

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When I was younger, everyone in my family took golf lessons. My father would worry about which golf professional he should study with, trying to figure out if he was making enough progress with one of them or whether he should start again with a new pro. He looked to be always striving to improve his overall score. Until he met the one, he felt was the ideal fit for him. After a while, he realized and told me, “If I am dedicated, I can probably train with basically any golf coach and learn anything from them to enhance my score.”

Riya was 20 years old when she moved from Ukraine to California to further her education. She became depressed after losing both of her parents in the war. She was left alone in this world to manage everything and deal with the difficulties. She got apathetic and began to isolate herself. This is when her friends convinced her to seek assistance.

“I had forgotten how happiness felt and had lost interest in almost everything; I didn’t have the drive to simply exist.” “I wanted some sort of escape,” she says. “I couldn’t think of anything else than obtaining medical assistance.”

Riya was attending her first session of therapy, and she had no idea what to anticipate. “I didn’t speak for even a minute in my session, so I figured this was how things were meant to be” Until my second appointment when I knew something was wrong, when “out of nowhere” she began talking about failed relationships. I hadn’t addressed anything, but I remembered the friend who referred me to the therapist telling her about my parents’ divorce when I was six years old.”

Riya was irritated that her therapist was fixated on the fact that she had depression as a result of the her parents’ separation had on her and how losing them in a war evoked all her childhood memories while also emphasizing the importance of parents in our lives.

“I began to lose hope and felt I couldn’t say anything about how I wasn’t actually linked to my parents and they had nothing to do with my sadness,” rather it was the guilt that I could’ve spared their lives if I’d allowed them to visit me so they weren’t in Ukraine during the wars. 

“But I knew I couldn’t open out to her.” Every time she tried to go further, I resisted. I believe she recognized that because she commented after a few sessions, ‘I don’t think we’re getting very far.’ I believe you might be better matched to someone else.”

 I would never have decided to give therapy another opportunity and would have been much tougher on myself if my father’s tale hadn’t gone through my head that day and given me the inspiration to strive harder to do better at life.

Fortunately, the next therapist assigned to Riya was able to assist her, and even her friends could see her development as she dealt with her issues. It may take some time to locate the proper therapist for you, but trust me when I say the rewards will be worth the wait. 

We may assist you in selecting a better therapist by making you aware of what might go wrong in the circumstance, making it simpler for you to recognize the problem. So, here are some instances of what may have gone wrong in your relationship with the therapist.

Therapists lack specialization in the domain you want assistance with. Not every therapist is an expert on every topic. It can also be ineffective when a therapist is unable to adapt their technique to the client’s requirements or personal circumstances. Furthermore, the therapist may have misdiagnosed the client, leading to the establishment of goals that the client had previously met.

There is a mismatch between the therapist and the client. Sometimes there is nothing wrong with a scenario, but it just doesn’t seem right, like your favourite fitting pants that you can’t explain why to fit you better than other jeans of the same measurements. Some therapists and clients may not get along, so don’t give up on therapy just yet; instead, keep trying until you discover your best fit.

For those who don’t find the right therapist the first time, recovery is still possible.


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